• Porpoise
• reality warps
• towel
• humor
• liberal tickling
• good authors/writers
• acceptance of Other
• smiles
• good readers/audiences
• pinch of "reality" for flavor
• a better ingredients list
• no recipe
• accidental
• pan-galactic gargle blaster
• substrate (rest of society)
• alternate futures
• ideaism/idealism
• good readers/audiences

• A. Why declare our constitution anyway?
  • 1. We, the members of Psi Phi at Virginia (the one and only Science Fiction and Fantasy Interest Club at the University, not a fraternity,sorority, honor society, or any such thing (although we do welcome membersfrom these sorts of organizations who see the light and wish to join us)) do henceforth write this constitution to express our thoughts, feelings, hopes, desires, wishes and official policies regarding various and sundry official-sounding things, and important things like the male-female ratio of the group and who knows both the answer to the ultimate question and the question to the ultimate answer. This Constitution constitutes the reconstitution of said organization and supersedes any and all previous Psi Phi (re)constitutions and (in)consistencies.
  • 2. It is required in order to be a CIO, and being a CIO has certain benefits, particularly when the IFC/ISC confuses us with a fraternity, sorority, or honor society.
  • 3. Because we have one.
  • 4. There is no number four.
  • 5. Why not?
• B. Terms of agreement.
  • 1. The University, comprised partially of Psi Phi members, wishes to receive interesting students and their tuition. Without necessarily approving or disapproving the goals or activities of said organization in its various incarnations, Psi Phi recognizes that the availability of a wide rangeof opportunities for its members tends to enhance our environmental diversity, and that this University may provide these opportunities for our members.
  • 2. Thus, Psi Phi is willing to provide certain enhancements to the University, but these should not be misinterpreted as meaning that the University is part of or controlled by Psi Phi, that Psi Phi is responsible for its contracts or other acts or omissions, or that Psi Phi approves of its goals or activities.
  • 3. Psi Phi, like the University, does not use the concept of "recognizing" organizations. The University is free to exist and operate either with or without any Psi Phi members or activities.
• C. Declaration of State
  • 1. The State (mostly) ignores Psi Phi.
  • 2. This is acceptable.
  • 3. Psi Phi (mostly) ignores the State.
• D. is for Disclaimer
  • Despite rumors to the contrary, Psi Phi is not, and never has been, a front for the Bavarian Illuminati. (Unless, of course, they make us a better offer than the other conspiracy we belong to/deny knowledge of.....)

The purpose of the organization known as Psi Phi is to promote interest in science fiction and fantasy (e.g. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Speaker for the Dead, Lord of the Rings) and to encourage related activities and abilities such as literacy (one can't appreciate science fiction and fantasy unless one learns to read in the first place), creative writing, clear and individualistic thinking, role-playing and being able to tell when something is fishy.

• A. Psi Phi accepts anyone who has an interest in science fiction and/or fantasy and wishes to join the club. Membership in Psi Phi is not restricted by reason of age, citizenship, color, disability, gender, race, religion, national origin, political affiliation, sexual orientation, status as a disabled veteran or veteran of the Vietnam era, how many other clubs one is in, handicap (like a belief in reality, or ability to make the Curry School shot), planet of origin, or whether or not one believes the best incarnation of The Doctor was Tom Baker. Prospective members should be aware, however,that the following are expected at all times:
  • 1. A sense of humor
  • 2. Courteous behavior
• B. Consistent failure to comply with these expectations may resultin eyebrow-raising at, consultation with, tickling and possible dismemberment (temporarily) of the offending party.
• C. Other than the "active" distinction which only comes into play during electrocutions (so that we may have them), Psi Phi does not recognize differing levels of membership (other than that described by varying gravitational potentials.) (Officers are a distinction of duty, not membership. [Nice try, though.])

• A. Extroduction
  • In good Star Trek fashion, the officers of Psi Phi are known by the following titles: Captain, First Officer, Communications (Hailing and Paging) Officers, and Quartermaster. Optionally, Psi Phi may at any time have one or more Admiral(s).
  • Psi Phi should not have, and is not conducive to, a regimented command structure. Therefore, each officer's specific duties are relatively few, and are intended to serve as guidelines. The officers should keep and regularly update the complete List of Duties, and divide responsibilities between them as they see fit. This looseness of structure is necessary to the nature of the group, and a change should not be undertaken lightly. Making it effective, however, requires that there be strong lines of communication between all of the officers.
• B. Captain
  • 1. The Captain is the primary liaison between Psi Phi and Reality, and is ultimately responsible for ensuring the continued existence of Psi Phi for future generations. He or she, with the advice (and hopefully consent) of the group, chooses the course of Psi Phi during his/her term, and coordinates the activities. The Captain should be an extremely organized, creative, and committed individual (if he or she is not already committed he or she definitely will be by the end of the term).
  • 2. The Captain is the designated keeper of the secrets of Mao. Rules? What rules?
  • 3. The Captain is given the sole authority to wage peace and make war with other CIOs, Squirrels, and Parking and Tranportation.
• C. First Officer
  • 1. The First Officer is the chief assistant of the Captain. If for some reason (e.g. illness, electrocution, assassination, insanity, schedule conflicts, whim, wild kangaroos... or any combination thereof) the Captain is unable to do Captain-ish sort of things, the First Officer must takeover temporarily. It is, however, the responsibility of the Captain to inform the First Officer of this (exceptions: assassination or electrocution).
  • 2. The First Officer is in charge of making sure that Psi Phi never, ever makes a post called "Second Officer" or something similar, for this would quickly surpass all bounds of silliness while also becoming subservient lurking legalisms, and the combination of these two would surely signify the end of {insert favorite morbid prediction here}. If the First Officer does not think he or she can handle the strain of this moral obligation, (s)he (s)hould resign.
  • 3. The First Officer is in charge of maintaining the Psi Phi library.(Make sure we have one, and that it cataloged and kept in good (although perhaps arbitrary) order.)
  • The First Officer is responsible for the Token Dissenting Vote. If a vote on any matter in Psi Phi is in danger of becoming unanimous, the First Officer must supply the Token Dissenting Vote in order to ward off conformity.
• D. Communications Officers
  • 1. The purpose of the two communications officers is to be Walkie-Talkies.(communicators) To this end, they should enjoy talking with people andspreading the word, whatever it may be, except Fnord. Never, ever spread or overuse the word Fnord. Don't even let people see it.
    • a. Hear All
    • b. See All
    • c. Tell All
    • d. Remember All
  • 2. Hailing Officer
    • a. The Hailing Officer is in charge of aiding the Captain in external communications. This includes publishing the semi-irregular newsletterand any other such endeavor Psi Phi may care to undertake.
    • b. The Hailing Officer is in charge of flagging down any taxi cabs,especially when the group needs one.
  • 3. Paging Officer
    • a. The Paging Officer is in charge of internal communications, such as phone calls, announcements, evacuation notices, and random quotations, non-sequiturs, and pizza.
    • b. (S)he is also responsible for taking humorous, yet informative minutes at each business meeting, and getting a copy of these to the Hailing Officer for the newsletter.
• E. Quartermaster
  • 1. The Quartermaster is in charge of money. The Quartermaster should be able to balance his or her checkbook, have a good sense of how much things cost and like interjecting comments about money whenever the restof the group is trying to come up with fun activities to do. (e.g. "Fun is fun, but let's try to come up with some (legal) ways to spend some of the money we've made.")
  • 2. The Quartermaster's main purpose, of course, is to strategically invest funds and efforts to put the group in a position to conduct a semi-hostile takeover of the Board of Visitors of the University. (Are you pondering what I'm pondering?)
• F. Admiral (optional)
  • 1. The Admiral, whether present or not, is the Sage.
  • 2. Ideally the Admiral should be the previous year's Captain so that he or she will be able to provide optimum guidance for the rest of the officers; however, the Admiral may be any member who has been with PsiPhi for at least three semesters. The Admiral's duties are to advise and assist the other officers whenever necessary; however, the Admiral maynot interfere with their final decisions.
  • 3. Any previously-elected Admirals remain Admirals, and may continue to fulfill that role when they are around. It should be noted that they would do this anyway, so we might as well make it official.
  • 4. There was some note here about a "rule by divine lefts," which we approved, but can't recall.

Due to CIO regulations, all Psi Phi officers (except the Admiral) mustbe full-time students currently enrolled at the University.

Elec(trocu)tions of officers are to be held each spring and must take place before spring break so that new officers can adjust to their roles while old officers are still around to give advice and help if necessary. Those whom the general populace feel can handle shocks the best will be elected.

• A. LawnCon
  • 1. The LawnCon subcommittee is a standing subcommittee of Psi Phi charged with:
    • a. investigating and evaluating the possibility of and the procedures involved in instituting a LawnCon, and leaving records of findings for the group as a whole in the event that it becomes possible in some year to implement this idea. This includes:
      • (1) framework and detailed plans for implementation, including contacts
      • (2) conditions to be met before it can be seriously thought of
      • (3) conditions to be met before proceeding with plans
    • b. deciding that LawnCon is far too large a commitment for Psi Phi to undertake without help, and reminding the group what a tremendously huge project this is, and not allowing a trial except in accordance with part 1a.
  • 2. The LawnCon subcommittee is to have at least one elected officer on the committee, who will serve as the head of said subcommittee, unless he or she specifically delegates this authority with approval from the Executive Board.
  • 3. The LawnCon subcommittee is open to any interested members
• B. Student Interests
  • 0.0.1: Pre-Ramble and legal derivation of authority
    • 0.0.1.1: That in accordance with part 15 of the University of Virginia Agreement for a Contracted Independent Organization, this agreement is between Psi Phi and the Rector and Visitors of the University of Virginia, noting that
    • 0.0.1.2: this agreement is also reviewed by the Student Council in person of an authorized officer of the Student Council and that
    • 0.0.1.3: the Re-Constitution of Psi Phi is attached to the document signed by all parties and is part of the forms reviewed by Student Council before signing the contract such that
    • 0.0.1.4: the rendering of a signature of the authorized officer of Student Council on the CIO Agreement therefore approves this Re-Constitution, which is an essential part of the agreement.
  • 0.0.2: Terms and conditions as a SubCommittee are such that
    • 0.0.2.1: Student Council acknowledges that, although granted a mostly autonomous role and free hand in its dealings with other CIOs and outside groups, it is a subcommittee of the organization known as Psi Phi, subject to terms set forth in their agreement, as stated in part 0.0.1 above and that
    • 0.0.2.2: revisions to the status of the relationship can only be effected upon written agreement executed by all involved parties,
    • 0.0.2.3: The Rector and Visitors of the University of Virginia, with whom this contract is predominantly made, is an involved party,
    • 0.0.2.4: and it is clear that the aforementioned Rector and Visitors and Psi Phi maintain completely separate roles, subject to the terms and agreements in the CIO Agreement.
  • 0.0.3: Functions and meetings
    • 0.0.3.1: Whereas the Student Council subcommittee convenes regularlyfor its own internal business which is deemed to be of a mostly beneficial nature to the atmosphere of the University as a whole
    • 0.0.3.2: neither the Executive Board of Psi Phi, nor the members of Psi Phi are empowered to interfere with these proceedings except in accordance with the subcommittee's own by-laws,
    • 0.0.3.3: unless an executive quorum or critical mass is present, at which time, if given notice any time before the actual start of the meeting, the Student Council subcommittee must follow the agenda submitted by the Executive Board of Psi Phi.
  • 0.0.4: Adjournment
    • 0.0.4.1: Whereas the Student Council is not an essential organ to the functioning of the organization knows as Psi Phi,
    • 0.0.4.2: Student Council can be adjourned for a specified time not to exceed one calendar year if given written notice of the aforementioned intentions backed by either (1) and (2), or (3) as follow:
      • (1) vote of the Executive Quorum with only one dissention
      • (2) a majority vote of a standard quorum
      • (3) two-thirds of a critical mass

and at this point the Student Council must arrange other legal liquidation procedures, or contribute its assets to the Nation Space Foundation.

• A. A standard quorum is reached if two-thirds of the active members are present. Any who show up at an election and are on the membership list are considered active members.
• B. Be it known that an executive quorum is reached if four of the five permanent officers are present.
• C. Critical mass is reached if more than half of the entire membership list is in a single meeting area at the same time, or if more than thirteen active Psi Phi members are either on the University Journal staff or in Student Watch at any one time. At this point, the U(J) is replaced by one even more strange and bizarre, and anything may happen. Critical mass supersedes quora and executive quora.

• A. The Constitution may be revised at any time the members feel it is necessary; however, the Constitution must be reviewed at least once a year. To revise the Constitution, two-thirds of the active membership must be present, and one-half plus one of the votes must be in favor ofthe amendment before it may be enacted. Everyone gets one vote. They are not obligated to use it, but they can not share or trade them. Cash value1/(1 X 10124) of 1 cent.
• B. The entire ReConstitution is revisable, as per section IX.A., with the exception that this paragraph can never be added to the ReConstitution.

• Constitution Drafted : 2/90 Peggy Hu, 1989-1990 Captain
• ReConstitution draft 1 : 11/90 Charles Twardy (1990-1991 Captain)
• ReConstitution v1.0 : 11/90 Charles Twardy (the same one), Peggy Hu(1990-1991 Admiral), Arthur Byrne (1990-1991 Quartermaster), David M. Oxford(1990-1991 First Officer), and Kailo Schlegel (a Psi Phi 5), with much thanks to Admiral Hu's Constitution.
• Approved by Student Council 9/4/91.
• ReConst. v2.0 draft : February 20, 1992, Charles Twardy; Changes made Spring, 1992 by general meeting; Modified draft approved by general meeting.
• ReConstitution v2.0 : September 8, 1992, Charles Twardy; (finally gotaround to typing the changes and printing the darn thing out. Bonus sections added.)
• ReConstitution v2.0 : September 8, 1992, Charles Twardy; (finally gotaround to typing the changes and printing the darn thing out. Bonus sections added.)
• Reapplied Sometime in March, 2001
• Constitution Secretly Amended, May, 2001. Addition of Veterans status non discrimination, by fiat of His Vileness, John Loizeaux, Space Dictator. Amending verbiage supplied by Nicholas Rosasco, Comm Ossifer& Grandee Gopher (200?-????)

Fnord.